real desperate housewives probably just take prozac and call it a day

usually, i'm fortunate enough to be cut off from reality. i mean, television. the only television show i ever found myself watching in high school was seinfeld, and now i have the dvds. basically, good marketing, technology (the ol' standard), and special features have just taken all the meaning out of tv.

last night, however, i decided i should watch desperate housewives.
after all, this is a show that most white middle-class american women are hooked on. why wouldn't they be? they're watching themselves. perhaps i should include myself in the "they" i throw around, but, um, i doubt housewivery, in its sweet suburbia grandeur, is what i'm in for. i'd first request a pirate's life for me (and that says a lot - you know, i can get very sea sick).

back to dh: i meant to say that the tense, non-sensical plot line of the first season acted as a large flame to draw in moths, to keep them engaged until the fire went out. i'm thinking dh got hit with a big bucket of water about 20 episodes ago, but viewers are holding out for bree to just get her act together again. apparently, season two has many "plot twists," which is a convenient way of saying "these are behaviors and activities no woman or man would ever commit, but we're up against reruns of who's the boss? and i think the danza man and his italian-american charm is winning 'em over again. we must do something."

actually, dh is up against the sopranos, which means the whole tri-state area is probably more interested in investigating their hard-core heritage on hdtv rather than committing an hour to some hysteria- or pmdd-afflicted lady drama. after all, "wisteria" (lane) and "hysteria" rhyme, if you talk funny.

yes, i am fond of representation in media. it is quite fascinating. while i was spending my sunday evenings staring at the wall this past television-calendar year, wisteria lane welcomed a new family. of course, they were black. it's clear that wisteria lane "needed a little color" perhaps in order to "even things out." that's ridiculous. (of course this is laden with sarcasm. i hope you see this.) alfre woodard - a tremendous actress - is the mother of two college-age (?) boys, one of which has a kind of handicap, or something. someone else is locked in the basement. this is what i gleaned from commercials, okay? give me a break! the point is everyone in the neighborhood thinks alfre woodard's household is ... strange, or different. they are "mysterious" which is code for "not like everyone/anyone else who lives on this block."

i'm not sure why they even cast a black family. to sincerely believe this innovation, viewers must be under the guise that non-white people are allowed to LIVE and not just mow lawns or clean gabrielle's house/fuck her husband. but this is not true. everyone else is white. what's more amazing is how the black family becomes self-sufficient/alienated (however you'd like to view it) from the rest of the community. incredible. go abc! gotta love it.

i bring this up because last night matthew (one of alfre's sons) was getting into a bit of trouble. there's nothing to spoil, by the way. as usual, the plot crawled on at the pace of 10 stupid things said by susan/5 angry faces from lynette/a handful of "i'm not crazy" lines from bree/2-3 times carlos had sex with the maid. you missed nothing!

back to matthew.
a plot line clearly conceived under the influence comes into play where matthew killed some asian chick he was dating a long time ago. that was nice representation there too. she was irritating, clingy, and then she was trying to blackmail him. aren't we all. so he killed her, which is not unusual for characters on this show. i like how men kill women on dh. and i especially love how they're showing black men as violent, with big sticks rather than short pistols. it's this completely unrealistic fantasy! golly gee i love tv! anyway, matthew was leaving with bree's daughter (who's probably bisexual - i made that up), and bree discovers that matthew killed the asian girl like 10 years ago when it happened, which seems like a really probable scenario. somehow matthew finds a gun (it probably belongs to one of his white neighbors) and is pointing it at bree (who must be wholesome, she loves soy!).

she says something like, "You're a killer. I want to get my daughter to see who you really are" - sorry for the bad quoting skills. i don't even want to get into the potential racism of that statement/context. in fact, i'm certain i've lost most of you by now anyway.

so! then the black man ends up not killing her, but gets killed by a sniper of sort outside. i still have no fucking clue who shot him. but i'm sure wisteria lane is glad to have alienated, ostracized, and ultimately forced out the only people of color on the block. they can get so rowdy! so dangerous! (sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm.)

basically, what i've been trying to say this whole time is this:

everyone run out and get desperate housewives on dvd today!