The Fourth Jonas: Greenbeard

I'll never forget the first time I saw him.

Flushing, Queens. A bone-chilling morning on Main Street. Blondie bought us ear muffs in Sunnyside. Warmed, too, by our anticipation of the Lunar New Year Parade.

We lined barricades. Carved out spaces between children and elderly awaiting festivities.

Performers, multi-national flag-carrying uniforms passed by us. Kids karate-chopped wood blocks up and down the street.

And then he appeared.


His clogged feat danced across frozen macadam in graceful circles. Twirls, if you will. The delicate cloth of his many-colored skirt/dress billowed as he turned, revealing red-orange-yellow socks, tights. Choreography from a rainbow ballet.


Greenbeard would prove to be the true Grand Marshal of this parade. Around his neck, a pineapple procured from a Canal Street vendor, perhaps. In his hand, a small drum. Other decorations (fruit? flowers?) dangled from his ostentatious hat, highlighting the deep rouge of his cheeks and, of course, the newgrass green of his beard. A colorful celebrant of the Lunar New Year, he was.


The next day I visited the parade in Chinatown with Goody Bathtub.

Three USO ladies sang songs off-key before the parade officially began. At some point, they each jumped into a vehicle and waved evenly at the crowd as they creeped forward. Out from the recesses of Mott Street he danced. Sprightly skipping beside Miss USO, matching her wave and smile with each step.


She thought we were cheering for her. We were blinded by his beauty. And shining bald head.


And then, when he approached us, we wanted to reach out and touch him, hold his hand: the fourth Jonas (better than the Bonus). One man had the opportunity to twirl with him, but Greenbeard's awe-inspiring dance moves and fashion sense rendered the passerby speechless. Typical fan.


I thought I would never see Greenbeard again. He's moved on to bigger and better things. More colorful garb and revised facial hair in a parade-happier city.

My friends, Greenbeard is with us.

I happened upon the Pride Parade this afternoon, around 12th Street. Several blocks uptown, Goody Bathtub alerted me to Greenbeard's presence. "He's coming. He's coming!" I exclaimed. People turned around, intrigued.

A few moments later, perched upon a car, Mama Jean, tubby in her own right, opened her denim button down and exposed her rolling side, tired-looking breast.

Where is Greenbeard? I wondered, knitting my brow. Has he two-stepped out of the parade?

But then! There he was. Beard fuzzier than I had remembered. No Chinatown tchotchkes to speak of. But a new accessory twirled beside him: a white dog with newgrass green highlights.

I did what any die hard fan would do: record the moment.



Uh ... that's me screaming "Oh my God! Greenbeard." (Note: I made up the name Greenbeard. His name might be Henry. Yes, Henry Beard.) Have you ever seen the Jonas Brothers walk onstage? Tweens throw themselves at them. Yell, scream, kick. Greenbeard evokes my inner Tween. He is the Jonas Brother that never was--better looking and more talented than all of the blessed Jonai.

Let's celebrate Greenbeard's Pride! And look forward to the next parade!

Do you have questions about Greenbeard? I do.

- Is his beard really green all the time?

- Parades seem to be his primary vocation. What does he do between parades as a day job? Do you think he might be a freelance writer? Or telemarketer? Maybe he's a dance instructor. Or FIT student.

- Does he own any other clothes? Clothes that aren't dresses/skirts and/or colorful?
... Stupid question. Who twirls in skorts? Duh.
UPDATE: An intrepid googler found this photo of Greenbeard at the Mermaid Parade. And this video of Greenbeard in a summery two piece. Apparently he does own other clothes.

What are your questions about Greenbeard?