America's Youth: Less Service, More Drugs

Have you heard the word, Ferd? What I mean by "Ferd" is "friend"? I'm just having some trouble with language lately.

So, the Ferdy word I'm talking about is National and Global Youth Service Day or NGYSD or NGYSDABCDEFGHZ. At one point, my colleagues and I referred to it as GYNday, which is probably not something I should write on the internet. Oh, I suppose this "blog" is anonymous anyway, right? Well, when Youth Serve America breaks down my door, I'll start to worry. Until then, I'll just laugh about BadAcronymDay (BAD).

Okay, wait, I have a question: Why am I getting weird porn people comments on my blog? Is there anything sex-related? Do I sound interested to you? I'd like your feedback.

Pressing forward, Ferds.

So, BAD. Well, it's not so bad. I guess. Why don't I provide some background? Sure, I'll do that, alright. BAD is a gigantic service event happening all over the globe, or "wherever Angelina leads." I didn't say that. Wait, I did say that. I was just using quotes to mislead you for a moment. I'm over that moment. You?

BAD could be the most amazing event to grace the WORLD just because youth determine how to serve their communities in important and effective ways. Sounds awesome? Pretty much.

Get this: Service can only happen when "the right people" say so. Service: a potentially populist notion, surely, but this bureacratic hopscotch gets under my skin. Allow me to explain.

Our little youth (the 0-17 year old students) decided they wanted to increase the number of trash cans in Missoula, and decorate the new receptacles to boot. Wow, crazy idea! They're only encouraging folks to pick up after themselves and doing it with artistic flair. Do you have the inclination to shoot down this idea then send a dog after it to pick it up and bring it back to you like defenseless flying fowl? ME TOO!

Actually, I wouldn't. I hate the idea of hunting, and sending a dog after the prey is crossing a line I don't even want to approach (but, in a way, I have). Also, the little youth went after that community need like none other (hunter). Take that 501(c)3s! I admitted to the group that I'm a belligerent litterer, which made the trash can idea's relevance resound.

Bad news for BAD: Trash cans are trash. I was hoping it wouldn't happen, but it did.

Onto the next topic: Upgrading parks - what a concept! Art, native grasses and flowers, free music every night, a hot dog vendor. Oh wait, sounds like a park in a faraway place.

In Missoula, allowing little youths to beautify outdoor areas must break laws. I'm so happy they've deprioritized marijuana now that I realize teenagers are barred from creating aesthetically engaging venues for tomorrow's generation. Community service is a much bigger problem out west than marijuana. Actually, community service nearly beats meth as the most detrimental agent in our community. Haven't you seen the commercials?

Once the Parks idea was nixed, we moved onto the slightly daunting undertaking of the Bark Park walkway. Stop rolling your eyes. You'd love the Bark Park. It's a park of bark. Yeah, that's right. There's a ton of trees. Sometimes dogs scamper around the trees, hoping for a barky obstacle course.

So there aren't any trees in the Bark Park, but a ParksRec birdy Ferdy told us that we could build a walkway. Who the hell knows how to build a walkway? I didn't learn that in my VISTA training, believe it or not, and I'm pretty sure they don't teach "cement pouring" in AP English. Maybe my high school was an exception, though.

A visitor of the Bark Park told us that the walkway is already cemented. Okay. What the fuck? Do you know? Parks and Rec Ferdy nerdys clearly have their ducks in a row. No hunting anaology, please. This is serious.

Is there a moral to this story? Yes. Don't try to perform service in your community. You'll get shut down, shunned, told that you're an idealistic dreamer, and probably be driven to drink. Service is bad for America's youth. Missoula tells me so.

Anyway, BAD better become BAD-ass lickity split else I'm gonna throw a fit in city hall. Or, you know, just get over it.